My husband and I have had our share of marital challenges. Whatever list you consult about the top marriage issues, I’m sure that we’ve encountered them all. I sometimes think we have added to the list! For example, while I can write this blog and speak in front of people, I’m evidently not a very effective communicator in our relationship. Hmmm…I’m giving myself a gold star for taking the step from not communicating at all, to at least communicating some (albeit, ineffectively!). Y’all pray that I make it to effectiveness!
And one of my challenges with my husband is my perception that he doesn’t set appropriate boundaries. From my perspective he spends too much time working, he ALWAYS takes the call, ALWAYS goes to the meeting and he ALWAYS responds immediately to the email. So over 26 years, I’ve said things like: “You don’t have to answer that right now.” Or asked a question like “You’re flying to Chicago for one meeting?”
Since covid19, things have gotten worse. He has a desk, but this dude set up our ironing board as a credenza so he could have more space to correctly angle his computer for zoom calls. He is on phone calls or zoom meetings ALL day EVERYDAY. And the last couple of weeks as he’s been trying to get as many people lined up to get financial resources, his days have extended! I walked through at 10 pm the other night and he was on a conference call! I told you he has no boundaries! He has called everyone that we know– every church, every organization, and every small business. He has encouraged, pushed for information, and called in favors for those who were slow or messy in getting things done. By the time I got up this morning, he was already on email. To be a supportive wife I asked, “How’s it going? Are you getting your people through?” He responded, “Yes, everyone that we’ve pushed through has gotten approved.” I named all of the people that I knew wanting to confirm. Praise God, all had been approved!
So, today I’m thankful that he didn’t have any boundaries. I’m thankful that he was on the phone all day and that he reached out to the people that no one else would have. I’m thankful that he kept checking the email to get information in the system as soon as possible. I’m thankful that he didn’t give up on the people who were messy. I changed my perspective. One time Jesus had been talking to and healing the multitude all day. As evening approached, the well-meaning disciplines tapped Jesus on the shoulder reminding him that he needed to let the people go so that they could buy themselves something to eat. To their surprise, Jesus told them to feed the people! We remember this as the miracle where Jesus feeds the 5,000, but part of the story is about Jesus changing the disciples’ perspective about their role and responsibility to the multitude.
I suspect that at some point, I will say something to my husband again about boundaries, (maybe more effectively the next time), but even then, I will have a different perspective. What things in your life should you see from a different perspective even if just for a season?
“But Jesus said, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.”” Matthew 14:16 ESV
Haha! This is FANTASTIC! Extroverts and Introverts attract! Your hubby is welcome to come over and sit in my office with me and we can Zoom 24-7! In fact, while I am writing this comment, I am on a Zoom conference call (with my camera muted). My husband has been working across the foyer from me for the last two months and while it’s driving me a bit batty, I have also come to appreciate his kindness and approach with his clients as I can hear his every move. Perhaps I should move him to the ironing board further from me? Thank you for this wonderful blog. This season is teaching us so much. Much love to you both!
Thanks for sharing Jodi! Maybe you two could Zoom each other when either of you get bored! And I agree that those of us who are willing to be taught are getting a lot of lessons!
Well well well. God moves on the hearts of men and women when others cannot see the big picture but God has purpose and we thank Your husband for following through until he got expected results. Some people will give up too quickly.
Yes Pops, I’m thankful that he didn’t give up.
It is amazing how God changes our perspective.
Amen! And it’s often when we don’t expect it!
This blessed me! Even while reading this, my perspective changed about some things. When we see things through the lens of “putting the shoe on the other foot” it really look different. This made me cry out to God, “Lord change me!” Thank you!
Thanks Big Mama! Praise the Lord! Help us all to cry out “Lord change me!”
I am blessed beyond words with this. THANK YOU! (And, as a photographer, I KNOW: Perspective is EVERYTHING!!!) <3
Fuller, I never thought about it, but photographers do really understand Perspective! Thanks for sharing!
Powerful! How I see things, I’m learning, must be seen through the filter of JESUS! Not easy, especially when I am found to be in error when my heart was in the right place. Thank God for helping me to see better.
Yes, Keisha. Time and an open heart can help us see through the eyes of Jesus. Thanks to God for helping us all to see better.
So much to learn! About changing our attitudes, swallowing our pride, giving thanks for our spouses, and in these days, making room in the home for our busy, committed, and diligent husbands. Long ago I learned that a man’s life is his work. God took and put man in the garden and told him to work it! I know that I am loved and beloved and now I must live with the joy of facilitating my hardworking, dedicated husband. So let’s admit it! The rewards more than make up for what we may have considered desertion!
Thanks Dr. Pat. I agree that the Lord is often changing our attitudes about situations and people. Great to know that you have gained this perspective about your husband.
I think your husband and mine are related! I know I’ve had those same conversations, but GOD knows who needs to be, in what places, at which specific times. And for that we all can be grateful. Thank you for the vulnerable message!
Thanks Jynel. Maybe they are related! It’s good that the Lord can help us to see things differently than we’ve seen them before.
My response is a bit different from the previous ones I’ve read so far. While I agree that your husband’s work ethic and problem solving are God’s gift to him, God also gave him the gift of a caring, spiritual wife/mate who also requires attention, support and love. When marriages are in sinc (or at a minimum) nurtured, its because partners open their communications and express their desires and needs. So, my suggestion is, rather than ask the questions about his work, rephrase and make a statement about your desire to spend more time with him, then await the response God sends through him. Happy Mother’s Day.
I must say although late to reading this blog post, as I was studying all day and night prepping for a CFP midterm, which I passed hallelujah!! I am reminded that focus, determination, grit and endurance are all characteristics that Jesus had, and we sometimes only hope to have them rub off on us! Your husband was and is certainly on a mission. And mission accomplished I must say! So grateful for you both! He is closing a gap that is still so wide open, but that perspective to push, pull sit back, step to the side and then watch God move in His Glory is one of the greatest Perspectives of ALL! Thank you Sis for sharing your heart. And thank you Bro for not giving up on us! Y’all Rock!!